What will the future bring? Who will I be in 5 years? Where will I be in life?
The only way to figure that out, is to live and learn as time goes by.
It is very strange how in one moment everything suddenly has turned into the past, and then you are in the present moment which is completely different from how you imagined your life to be at that moment in time.
And then the future just ends up being a massive mystery.
Mostly when I just want to shut up, I tend to talk about all the things I’d like to keep to myself.
I don’t know why I just continue to say everything which is on my mind.
There are just one person which I know a bit well, who I am very silent around.
In one way that is very comfortable and I like who I am around that person, but at the same time it’s very confusing.
But around most people who I know well, I just talk, talk and talk.
Guess that’s a massive part of my personality then.
I hope I’m not talking about everything which worries me, but more about things I’m looking forward to as well.
So, yeah, that’s a lot about who I am.
Some times most things feel bad.
So bad that you’d like to hide behind a rock and never go back to the real world.
A few days ago, two ghosts from my past made me want to hide behind a rock.
Before that, there had been hope.
I had felt good about the situation I were in, and didn’t think too much of how things were.
But then the ghosts appeared and did things they should not have done.
They disappointed me.
If only one of them had waited for a while, but of course they both appeared at the same time.
So yeah, they made me want to hide behind a rock.
And now I’m carefully looking from behind the rock, at the real world.
I just have to go back there.
That’s the only thing to do.
When I were 19 I started to write a fairytale. Every now and then I revisit the written words. Then I change the words. It’s quite lovely to see how my perspective on things change. And then I try to write in a way which I will like the fairytale to be written. But I constantly change my mind on what I’d like to be included and what I’d like to erase from the fairytale. Now I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not very fond of the ending of the story. So I’ve been avoiding to write in fear that I’ll just continue with a blank brain when thinking about solutions. And then I’ve taken away so much that some of the things that remains stops making any sense… That’s a fearful sign. Well, I’ll just have to revisit the writings soon.
A few weeks ago I did something fun. I got my septum pierced. And today a few septum rings I had ordered arrived in the mail. Fun. But unfortunately, I cannot wear them yet. My septum must fully heal first. So I’ll just have to wait to put on those cute piercings in my septum. The amazing part was that I ordered the septum rings from the USA on the 4th of July. And they arrived today! Just 8 days later. The destination are Norway. I expected the septum rings to take at least 1 to 2 months before they’d arrive. But strangely, I were wrong. And I won’t complain about that! So, yeah, the septum rings took me by surprise today.
The greatest, fantastic and chaotic people in your life. They are your family. They are lovely. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without them. Some times it’s just nice to go back home to where I grew up. Because I know my family will be there. And thats a good feeling. Let’s be honest, there tend to be some discussions and arguments between family members. But thats only a sign that family are comfortable around one another. Other times we can laugh so much that we don’t know how to stop laughing. So, yeah, family are amazing.
Sometimes I just don’t like people. But strangely I like them if they’re around. It’s not easy to understand why it’s so, but it’s all right. I can not understand everything. That wouldn’t have made any sense. Because then I’d known all the answers to all the mysteries in the world. And what world would it have been without curiosity? And how would everything have been if i’d known all the answers? I might have known about the future. And about the past! We would’t have needed history books or long educations! Because we already would have known everything.. Fascinating…
I remember as a kid I were terrified of staying in one place. I knew the world I knew. And I knew that I wanted to move away from the place I grew up. Now, when I’m supposed to be grown up and have it all figured out, guess what: i do not have it all figured out. I did end up moving away from where I grew up. I’ve lived in three different cities, and still haven’t found a place to call home. I know that the village I grew up in will always be my home, but at the same time I know that it’s not going to be my home in a very long time.
I Remember when I first learned the english word “seagull”. Now I’ll write that story down for whoever might find it interesting. When I were 17 I travelled to Brighton on a language course. I stayed there for two weeks and met a lot of people from different countries. That was fun. We were learning, or improving our English, by doing different fun activities. Mostly outdoors since it were summer. I had stayed there for about a week, and throughout the week heard the word seagull used at different times. I did not know what the word meant. But then again I used to feel that the important part were to understand the main meaning of what someone were saying and not all the details. But eventually I became quite curious, because I had heard this word seagull quite a lot. So then I asked someone what the word meant, and they just pointed up at a seagull who were flying on the sky. So, yeah, that’s my seagull story..
The thing about fear is that it’s one of the most powerful feelings. In just a moment the fear will tear you apart, chatter all the pieces to places where they are nowhere to be found.
Fear might be the thing which holds you back. Keeps you from your amazing plans for your life. Some times people call me brave for things I’ve never feared. I don’t fear to move to new places or travel to new places all by myself. I’m not afraid of that. And then some people say that thats brave. It might be. But what makes me feel brave is when I do the things I fear. Like getting my first tattoo. That was so scary that I just wanted to hide from that moment in time. I didn’t like the idea of pain. I still don’t. But I went through with the tattoo, and it turned out that it didn’t hurt anything close to the pain I had imagined. So fear had been holding me back. Strange..